Relationship Backpack

Don’t shudder at the mention of dirty talk over the phone. What we mean by that is not the use of four letter words or any swearing over the phone, but just mere flirtatious talk with a bit of a sensual touch and an erotic fervor added to what you may otherwise normally talk. Talking like that makes it feel like as if you are in a rapturous embrace. Additionally, people find it very much easier to exchange expressions of love and intimacy over the phone than when face-to-face, obviously due to the absence of body language to give away your feelings and make you embarrassed when the other notices your blush as you whisper sensually endearing words in a face-to-face situation.

If you are wondering as a woman how on earth to start this dirty talk with your man over the phone, here are a few tips:

Making the First Move

It should be understood that you cannot start this as a planned duet. This is something that has to flow gradually as if it was coming naturally. To make it happen, you may strike up a telephone conversation in the normal manner and gradually and discreetly lead the conversation into forbidden areas and towards the desired climax by starting with a few mild flirtatious expressions and getting onto more intimate sweet nothings to do with kissing, cuddling and the like as you pick up and start changing gears.

Making it Easier For Your Partner

If your partner is the shy and sensitive type, now he too should be starting to feel a little hot with a few goose pimples coming up and his blood pressure rising. So talk to bring home to him that personal and intimate feelings for each other should be expressed in no uncertain terms and discussed between two lovers frankly without any reservations or inhibitions.

Being Open Minded

To hear you speak a little sensually and seductively for the first time could have been something unexpected for him. However, with your gradual and methodical entry into this vital arena of talk, he also should be happy that you have taken the initiative to break the ice to clear the path to a new outlook on the same old relationship with uninhibited, erotic and sensual love to replace the more conservative type that prevailed earlier. Indulging in dirty talk over the phone should no longer be a challenge to either partner; but an ecstatic time to look forward to especially when you are out of physical contact over long periods of time.

While some people can immediately identify a person with whom they would never be compatible, many suffer from low self-esteem and end up changing their own personalities, wants and actions to fit their partner. It is true that almost any successful relationship requires a certain amount of flexibility and compromise; but if a person is required to alter themselves greatly in order to maintain the relationship often something is wrong. The changes that occur in many of these cases can be so subtle and over such a great length of time, that often the people changing are unaware of how different they have become.
In order to understand how a person can be involved in such a relationship, it is important to remember that many of the people who experience this had a problem before the relationship began:

Insecurity: Many people in our society suffer from one form of insecurity or another; abnormal physical traits; lack of proper education; difficulty with communication and poor support network are just a few of the causes of such feelings. In order to have a strong enough sense of self that a person would never allow themselves to be overhauled by another person they must, for the most part, like who they are. The image that many people have of themselves is a very poor one and this makes it easy for others to prey upon their weakness. Unfortunately, in many cases, the addition of a stronger partner allows the more insecure person to hang all of their self esteem on the fact that their partner would have them; this is not a healthy way to depend on another person for support and in most cases will lead to disaster as it does not usually help to create strength and confidence.

Psychological Damage: A problem that often stems from an abusive relationship, a damaged psyche makes for an excellent weakness for others to prey on. We have heard this referenced many times in society by referring to the ugly duckling syndrome i.e. a person who once thought of them self as unattractive and became so used to dealing with this poor self image that when they became more attractive, by society’s standards, they did not act in the normal way an attractive person would. This by many people’s definition is an attractive person who retains a poor self image; therefore the person will have lower standards when it comes to dating. Many different types of trauma can cause a person to feel unworthy of attention and react in an unhealthy way when it received; this makes a perfect breeding ground for people who are looking for a person that they can control in a relationship; because they lack the self esteem to refuse.

Not all one-sided relationships are obvious or extreme, in fact more often the problems are numerous but very subtle. This can create an underlying feeling that something is wrong with the relationship, though many people struggle to understand exactly what that problem is. There are a few large and regular parts of relationships that are reoccurring and therefore when dominated can create an ongoing problem:

Where you live: In relationships where one person is dominant evidence of this imbalance can be seen in the home they share. The more dominant person will often choose everything from wall paint to major appliances; none of which seem to reflect the weaker person’s personality. To assume that dcor is an indication of such a relationship would not be completely accurate as in some cases one person does not have strong feelings about their belongings; however even those with little or no interest often have some reflection of their personality in their home.

What you do: Often in a one-sided relationship most or all of the activities the couple participates in revolve around one person. This allows for even greater destruction of the original, weaker partner and ultimately a great path to depression. Enduring this kind of change is difficult because not only does the weaker partner watch their own interests dissolve; but often they do not feel as close to the person they love as they cannot share their true desires with them.

Conversation: Whether you’re out with friends or staying at home in a relationship of this kind one partner rarely communicates what they are thinking or feeling. Often friends or relatives will notice when these changes occur because they can see a person retreating not just into themselves, but into their partner’s thoughts and feelings. Often the weaker partner will only speak when discussing issues that their partner finds interesting, giving up entirely on what they once find enjoyable or exciting.
If you have felt that any of these situations apply to your own relationship review this quick checklist to see some of the most typical points of view from those who observe this kind of behavior:

1.I always or often speak only about the things my partner is interested in.
2.I always or often only talk about my partner.
3.All or most of the things I do for fun I do with my partner.
4.All or most of things I do for fun are because of my partner.
5.If I look around my home I see little or no sign of my own taste.
6.When spending money on frivolous items they are usually for my partner.
7.My partner does most of the talking when we are together.
8.I do not often tell my partner how I feel.
9.My partner does not usually notice when something is bothering me.
10.My partner never or does not often compliment me.
11.I never feel happy/I only feel happy when my partner is giving me attention.
12.I have little or no interests outside of my relationship.
13.My partner does not often or never gives me gifts that are only for me.
14.My friends and/or family think that I have changed a lot since entering my relationship for the worse.
15.My other relationships have weakened since entering the one with my partner.
16.When asked what I want I usually look at my partner.
17.I no longer resemble who I was when I met my partner.
18.I tend to think of my partner before I ever think of myself.
19.I dress in the way my partner prefers even if I do not.
20.I no longer know what makes me, me.

If you find that any of these statements are true it might be a sign that either you need change your relationship, or you need to break it off. Enduring this kind of life is not healthy nor does it have much of a chance of making you happy. It is possible that your partner did not mean to become the dominant presence in your relationship and if brought to their attention they might be eager to help you become a stronger person. There are many different ways in which a person who finds themselves in this situation can change things, try to figure out what works best for you and take the necessary steps to make your life better.

Trust those who know you best: Outside of your relationship it is good to have at least one person with whom you can be honest and trust completely. Asking this person how they view your relationship and the changes that have occurred during the time you’ve been in it can be an excellent way to gain the insight required for change.

Perfection Reflection: Write down what you believe the basics are for an ideal relationship and see how they compare with your current one. Though no relationship is perfect and they often take a great deal of work, this should be equally divided amongst both people, not hoisted onto one.

Self Image: Begin an activity or project that has nothing to do with your partner, but is something that you are interested in. As this interest grows in something outside of your relationship you might find a little of the old you returns. Learn to like who you are and the wonderful qualities that make you unique; this may be difficult at first and might even require some changing (again,) but in the end you must be able to like yourself if you hope to remain who are.

Speak with your partner about how you feel: Whether or not you believe you can make your relationship work it is often helpful to tell your partner how you feel about the situation. Though you might not find the support you hoped for it is advisable to know where you partner stands on making you happy. Give your partner the opportunity to help you feel better about yourself and your relationship, or the very least know that they are a large part of how you ended up feeling the way that you do.

Without taking steps to reconstruct yourself in happier, healthier way you may never be able to enjoy life in or out of your relationship. Though it can be difficult to muster the courage to change your life, the knowledge that a happier you could exist might give you the strength need to take action. Good luck and much strength to all of you who are brave enough to take on the challenge.

Have you ever wondered why guys disappear after what you thought was a perfectly great date? Is there really a way to tell whether or not a man is interested in you? What do you do when the guy youre interested in suddenly goes MIA after a few dates? Find out why guys disappear and get your man back through these tips.

You hover too much

One reason why guys disappear on their dates is because the girls theyre with tend to make the first move to call them up – frequently. And then there are the text messages sent the morning after. After the first date, resist the urge to call him constantly even when youre itching for a second and a third date. If you should really call, do it once. If he doesnt come to the phone or his machine picks up, just leave a noncommittal message and wait for him to call back. If hes really interested, hell call back. If hes not, then your story ends there.

Focus on you

Men have their own lives to lead. Its time to realize that you do, too. Another reason why guys disappear is because the girls they are dating are way too attached that theres little room left for both parties to do their thing separately. This kills the challenge of grabbing your attention because youre already all ears (and eyes, and mouth) Understand that you and your man have your lives outside your budding relationship. Have fun. Dont forget about your hobbies or your daily routine. Take care of yourself, pamper your body and be busy. Your man will stop and wonder what it is that keeps you from him and will start chasing you back.

Dont trigger his warning signals

Finally, one possible reason why guys disappear is because you may have commitment written all over your face and on the first date, to boot. Men date to have fun and to get to know the girl theyre with. But this doesnt necessarily translate to wanting to get tied down. They consider certain dates to be threatening to their bachelorhood because the girl is already one step ahead of them. If youre going to invite a guy out on a date, stay on the safe side and avoid doing things that are too romantic. An afternoon coffee for your first date should suffice. Try to keep your conversation casual and dont ever hint that youre in for a long-term commitment because that would surely get them walking out the door and out of your life.

If your significant other has started pulling away from, has become distant, stopped having sex with you, or has outright informed you they want to break up, you’re not as bad off as you think you are.

Couples fight, break up and get then get back together all the time.

If you’re in a position where your partner wants to break up, but you want to stay together, then the following relationship saving tips below, might just get you back in the saddle again.

Tips For Stopping Your Break Up or Lover’s Rejection:

1. If you were too clingy in your relationship, back off. Leave them alone, completely. Let them have their space, or the freedom they think they’ve been missing. They’ll soon become real curious as to why you backed off altogether, and will be drawn back to you to find out why. When they do call, or come back around, play it cool and agree with their position of wanting space. Acknowledge that you were too possessive and that you’ve realized that acting in such a manner was not only unhealthy to the relationship, but it was becoming unhealthy to you as well. When they begin to think you’re the one pulling away, watch how they magically want you back in their life again.

2. If you didn’t show enough emotion or caring in your relationship, do something surprising. Send them a genuinely touching message with some flowers, or in a card. The trick here is to be ‘genuine’. If they smell insincerity at all, your efforts will be wasted. Don’t make it too mushy or too long. Acknowledge that you realize how insensitive you were and reassure them that they are the most amazing person to ever step into your life. Once you send that message out, back off. Don’t call, don’t send another message, don’t stalk. Your partner will be curious why you disappeared and they’ll come calling for you soon enough.

3. If you were lazy in your relationship, you better figure that out and become un-lazy somehow. No one likes, or wants a lazy, unmotivated slob for a partner. If you’ve become overweight, unkept (appearance wise), don’t work, don’t help out in any capacity, or you were even lazy in the bedroom, be surprised they didn’t leave you before now. It’s in your best interest to get some straighten up in your life. The next time your partner calls, you better be doing something active and worthwhile. You need to shock them with whatever you’re doing now. You have to come across as different in their eyes, or else they’ll continue to see you as that lazy, unfortunate person they’ve come to despise and they’ll keep moving further away from you.

4. If you were too much of a go-getter in your relationship, take it down a notch when it comes to your partner. You may have pushed them too hard, too many times. Ease up on your partner, not everybody has a high level of drive and determination. The next time they call and want to know what you’re doing, make sure that you’re engaged in something low key, something you wouldn’t normally be thought of doing. Like tip #3, you need to shock partner so they get curious as to why you’re acting so differently now that they aren’t around. When they inquire as to why you’re doing what you’re doing, inform them that you realized what a pain in the rear you’ve been and you thought it was time to take it down a notch. They’ll become curious and you’ll see them come around again.

5. Sex. If you weren’t having too much of it, or you were trying to have too much of it, this is something else you better figure out. Sex is a huge part in every relationship, but sex is on a different level for each individual. If you were the one who didn’t want to have sex because you were never in the mood, you better go see a doctor and find out why. If you were trying to have sex all the time, understand that your partner may not be as motivated to have sex with you all the time, so it’s best you find out why. There are many reason why a partner doesn’t want to have sex and those reasons don’t always have to do with you. Become more understanding of your partners needs. If you want them back and want to keep them, pressuring is the last thing you want to do to them, especially with something as sensitive as sex. The next time you two get together, do the opposite of whatever you used to do. If you never wanted to have sex, you better get in the mood real fast and throw yourself erotically on to them. If you were too pushy in the past, don’t even bring it up. Let sex come naturally. If you genuinely love your partner, then you’ll feel compassionate about their feelings and act accordingly.

If you are in the early stages of a break up, let’s say, the past few days, even a week; then the following are a few tips that you must follow exactly, or else you’re dead in the water:

1. Stop communication. If you keep calling, texting, sending notes, contacting their friends and family, then you’re not giving them a chance to miss you. I realize it’s difficult and you feel like you’re going to die without them, but whatever you do, don’t contact them directly, or indirectly anymore until they initiate the contact with you. When they don’t hear from you anymore, they’re going to become real curious as to why.

2. Keep communication brief. When your partner does call again, keep the contact short. Don’t speak with them more than 10 minutes and then casually remove yourself to take another call, or because you simply have to go. You never want to come across as needy and insecure, so always appear to have something else going on. Don’t act, or come across as arrogant, angry or insecure. These displays of emotions are a turn off and will guarantee that your partner won’t call again for a long while.

3. Take time out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to responsibly understand why your partner wants to break up. What did you say or do that made them want to jump ship right now? How have you been acting over the course of the relationship, that might answer why they chose to leave. Once you can reasonably understand the main motive for the detachment, then you can construct a game plan to adjust your position and start implementing a new life strategy, that will be more appealing to your partner.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The last thing that is going to help you, is acting like a depressed little cry baby. Not to mention, if your partner got wind that you were laying around pouting over the break up, that will only empower them. Use this time to be free to do what you want. Believe me, I know depression, it makes you feel like death is the only way to feel better. However, depression won’t get your partner back. Only a healthy confident ‘you’, has the power to attract your lover back in to your life.

The only true test to know if your partner will come back to you, is time.

Let your significant other have as much time as they need without contacting them, smothering them or pressuring them.

The two worst things you can ever do to a lover, is pressuring them and stressing them out. No pressure. No stress. Live by those two things alone and you’ve mastered half of the relationship game.

If your relationship has turned sour recently and your boyfriend or husband has chosen a rebound relationship, how do you go about getting him back? A rebound relationship is where someone dates another person soon after splitting up with their partner, to try and get over their ex. These types of relationships offer a break from the many emotions you go through after a break up. When someone needs help moving on from real love, they can turn to a rebound relationship.

And this point is important in getting him back. The fact that he is in a rebound relationship to get over breaking up with you, speaks volumes. The cause of the breakup doesn’t matter. If it was you or him that announced the split, still does not matter.

Looking beyond the cause of the split, you can see that it was real love. If you remember one thing from this article, remember this; true love almost always has a way of being saved. The rebound relationship will make him think about the things that went wrong in the relationship he had with you.

If he has picked a rebound partner completely the opposite of what you are like, this is normal because he will be trying to have less reminders of you. At this point he will be noticing the differences between his rebound partner and you, which is great for you for two reasons.

1. He cant help but think about you when he is around her.
2. It gives you an insight into what he is thinking.

If he has chosen someone as different as you can get to yourself, then it might be a hint that he felt he was missing something. If you think this rings true, try using the time you have apart to make improvements in your own life. Don’t try to break the new relationship up. The more time he spends with his new partner, the more flaws he will start to notice in her.

After a little while, he will start to think of you as the better relationsihp option. This is the main reason you want him to do whatever he is going to do. He will come to the conclusion that he misses you, all by himself. When he does come back asking for you, you wont need to play hard to get.

Just focus on the improvements that you have made for yourself and he will do all the chasing. When your ex moves on to a rebound relationship, know that you can get back together at some point. Keep in mind that for him to be in this type of relationship means that he had strong feelings for you when you were together and he still has them.